I Never Read The Economist

I am always trying to make myself smarter. Seems like I rarely gain much ground.  For example, this week I tried to watch two highly acclaimed movies. These were;

Carol - with Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara, 

By the Sea - with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Pitt. 

On both movies I ended up waking up in a puddle of my own drool.  

Another exercise that I have performed (to be smarter) was to attempt to read The Economist.

I'm sure everyone knows this magazine but for my Gonzales crew that I know don't know, it's a magazine that helps you understand how the world works (I think).   Anyway, don't bother because you will never get it.

If you do happen to read it though, you are supposed to be seen by other people as being most enlightened. In fact, you get automatic bonus IQ points in the minds of those other Economistas that see you reading it.  It's like a way of advertising that, (in a Thurston Howell III accent) "yes, I'm in the secret club too!". I'm surprised that you don't need a special ID in order to buy it. Like a Mensa card.

Seriously, this has got to be the most boring magazine (uh uhm, periodical) on planet earth.  But there is no doubt that there is some sort of status or mystique that I’m convinced makes people actually buy this magazine for over $10.

To be fair, I've tried several times to read The Economist.  I’ve always used a stolen copy and on every occasion I’ve ended up in full-on daydream mode before finishing a single page.  On pages that I paid close attention, I could still not understand what I’ve read. 

I am finally at the point in my life that I understand and am very comfortable with the fact that I’m a very happy simple guy.  In fact, I think being quite simple is a core reason to why I’m so happy.

Full disclosure though - one time I actually held the magazine up in front of my face to pretend that I was reading it. I can't remember where I was but it was really funny. That lasted for about 87 seconds.

So just give me the remote control for the TV a "King of Queens" marathon and I couldn't be happier!!!  
That Arthur just kills me!!

Oh and one more thing...I've never seen The Economist sold in Gonzales County.  I think there is an ordinance against it.